Bitter Nothing

I have no idea why i get on such highs and lows. its as if nothing can satiate me.

i just spent a week in hawaii with a man that adores me, who is rad all around, spent time with family an amazing fun time gorgeous time on the north shore in perfection and beauty. did two awesome TV segments, have business now rolling in i am being taken care of and yet this am the minute this friend asked me to this event , and is working with someone I should actually be working with who is a 

years long friend/contact) i am slightly irritated in this really lame kind of way, and I have no idea why. It's just ego

because truthfully i have no flipping desire to do events or even do pr in that way at all!

what am i doing with my life where am i goinga nd feel empty unsatisfied and left out like i am missing out on the big ball or star in the sky i hate it , i just spent 30 min trying to whoosh my way in to this situation in a retarded was and i hate myself for it for this moment. thsi too shall pass

but why not right now?