The Ex Files

There's nothing quite like getting the ex update , is there!? 

The last update I received about my ex b-friend was 3 months ago via  quickie phone call from his cousin Kar who is like my little sister (i call this kind of thing the relationship takeaway aka  "the gifts" you got to keep)  was that he was headed to London to visit some girl that his mom had set him up with and in my head they were blissfully happy living an international life and I well, wasn't. Okay I was a teensy bit bitter but it was my birthday month so I was able to quickly slide into happy. I was really able to move past it and let it go as much as you can let that stuff go.

I just got off the phone with his other cousin Anoush , she and her hubbie Jason are very close friends , they live in Santa Barbara , we were doing the overall life check in discussing their hell house renovation, work, life, and she said "did you hear about alex?" I said "well I heard he hooked up with a girl his mom met etc..." 

She said:   "Engaged , getting married."  

I said : "Whhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttttttttttt?"

"Yes. they are living in Glendale, with her uncle in his house-- engaged after only 6 months!!!"

...."We don't know what he is doing, my dad is like wtf is alex doing? and of course his family is like ahhh armenian girl yeah whoo"

Okay, yes the engaged thing is always rough news, you tend to feel that he/she is moving on and you are not. And I admit I have felt that way -- and have spent many days/nights pondering when is it my time? my turn? what about me? in that whole blissful lovey happy engaged on the road to something bigger thing.

I have to say, I am not surprised, in this teensy way I have been preparing myself in my head , heart and being that this day was going to come someday! I guess just not so soon. The crazy part is  I thought I would be far more distraught, pained, heavy, alone , lonely , and sad. I'm not. 

What i feel and what I said to Anoush, is this:

"Alex found an Armenian girl, he has really found his center, his permission slip to commit....

while the 6 month thing is a lil insane ,  he has always done things in a very alex random for no clear reason way-- its the antithesis of him because he is seriously the slowest moving soul on the planet, so perhaps the quickie is the new him..."

 In truth , being Armenian has always been the biggest key to Alex's heart . While I was a zillion other awesome things, Armenian I was not. I wasnt ever going to be ( obviously) while I was loved, embraced and adored by many in his family  and the end of the day the one thing that mttered most had nothing to do with me or us. It was race, culture, that thing that deeply connects one to another. I get that.

As a woman choosing her "king" I know now that my king needs to love me for me and all of me

we all know that , but it's understanding that which is key, today I wholly accept and get it.

Settling  for someone who believed otherwise or hesitated in any way .... that isn't for me then or now.

From a trivial POV-- the fact that he got engaged after knowing this person 6 months  and is living in her uncles house,  well,  that is just pure exactly what it is and I suppose is exactly why I am not feeling all of those things I expected to feel. Sometimes you just have to keep it simple and in the simple the authentic truth slides in and brings clear skies.

Clear skies are good.